You have dug your soul out of the dark. You have fought to be here. Do not go back to what buried you.

Bianca Sparacino

I saw this quote this morning and it resonated so strongly with me. In my own journey there have been so many moments that I face something so unfamiliar, so unknown that running backwards seems like a good idea. There is comfort and sometimes a false sense of security in the known and familiar. I have unfortunately taken steps backward, put myself back into the hole so to speak, instead of pushing forward. And truthfully, the result was never a good time.

Growing up, I was the child that wanted to make the adults happy. I wanted to be seen as the "good kid". I tried really hard not to make mistakes, to be super respectful, always said yes, and would apologize for things even if I wasn't at fault. While those things may not be terrible in moments, keeping those mindsets and habits as an adult led to some bad situations. I said yes to long hours, extra shifts, going "above and beyond" at the work place because my boss needed it. I ignored my own needs that my body one day said "enough" and I ended up with shingles. After that I said I would make sure to listen to my body and make sure I gave myself what I needed - rest, breaks from the work for mental and physical health, time to do things that brought joy to my life. I wasn't and still am not perfect. I will overbook myself and work myself into the ground at the expense of "getting the job done". But I am moving forward without the guilt most of the time.

Boundaries were something else I had trouble enforcing. And I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and abused by "friends" and "family". When I finally started making the steps towards having healthy, normal boundaries and received the inevitable backlash from those who couldn't respect them, there was genuine struggle for me to hold on to the boundaries I not just wanted, but desperately needed in my life. I didn't want to lose these people in my life but I was losing me in the process. As much as it hurt, as much as my life felt empty with the holes these people left for a time, and as much as it would've been much more "comfortable" to maintain the status quo, I needed to continue stepping forward with my boundaries in place.

In my life I can see how I would sacrifice myself for perceived comfort and familiarity. Because there was a false sense of stability there. Even though the "comfort" was quite literally destroying me, the thought of trying to change or do things different was so overwhelmingly scary due to the UNKNOWN. But every time I have moved out of known, I have found that my life is much richer. It's not always easy at first, but the ease comes with time and getting to know something new. I understand that moving away from something that is familiar is so incredibly difficult and it takes a very deep strength to take those steps (and continue taking those steps). But I hope you find some encouragement in this that helps you continue to move FORWARD.

Wherever you are at in your life, whatever direction you are moving, I hope you find some encouragement from my own thoughts and life lessons. Even if you are moving backwards now, there is still a new opportunity tomorrow. Don't ever give up on yourself.

I hope you enjoy these beautiful photos of Miss S. If you have been thinking about a session, don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to talk to you!